Let's play a game, you follow my logic and agree with me. If I can drive a car but I don't know how to drive in reverse that means I don't know how to drive a car right? (This is the part where you nod your heard and say yes oh wise one). So if Nate can't pronounce chicken tikka masala after being told a tenth time does that mean Nate can't speak properly? I leave it up to you the people to decide.

This weekend I judged a debate tournament for my dear friend Subash at the wonderful Princeton University. After he got knocked out in semi finals (good run) we had to get into our roots. Indian food. I had chicken tikka masala. I am unbiased with the food I like, but chicken tikka masala is my favorite dish. I am an expert and not because I'm Indian. Overall Chicken Tikka Masala is my favorite meal because the flavor is inexplicably amazing. This restaurant The Mint did an okay job but the flavor was not as potent as it should be.

Overall 6.4 out of 10

Ball tier list? Ball tier list. After all, this is called Ballboy Ben’s Ball Update, and is not exclusive to just football! This column will be longer than normal, so be prepared. I used five categories: baller, ballin, kinda ballin, not ballin, and balls. This is extremely opinionated, so if you get mad, feel free to scream into a wall because I won’t be hearing any negative comments...Let’s Roll!

Starting off with the Balls tier...

Fushigi Ball: An absolute scam, absolute trash. This ball single-handedly ruined all trust I had with TV advertising, and I haven’t been the same since.

Rugby Ball: L British people.

Lacrosse Ball: Just another ball, nothing special.

Now for some slightly better ones. Into Not Ballin tier...

Rubber Bouncy Balls: Hot take, I know. But they’re overrated. If I am super bored with no other ball in sight, sure. But otherwise, they’re close to my least favorite of all balls.

Medicine Ball: Useful, compact, but there’s just other/better options for any form of workout which requires them

Soccer Ball: Just was never my sport. I find it boring, that’sabout all. I really want to get to the higher tiers.

Fortune Telling Ball: Eh, just not for me.

Hacky Sacks: Maybe another hot take, but this is primarily because I am not athletic enough to partake in such an activity. Watching people that are good with hacky sacks is pretty cool though!

Bowling Ball: Bowling balls used to hurt my wrist when I was younger. I still have a grudge against them.

Ok, we’re getting to some solid ones now. Into the Kinda Ballin tier...

Softballs: Fun to throw, fun to hit, and a cool color. For those unfamiliar, they are in fact NOT soft.

Golf Ball: Awesome and unique texture. Really reliable. Quite easy to lose though (I am not very good at golf).

Mesh Stress Balls: These were really fun as a kid and continue to be a super satisfying squeeze toy.

Gumball: Never amazing, never horrible. But they always get the job done. They are the definition of mid.

Volleyball: Fun to play with and smack around.

Beach Ball: I originally had this in the ballin tier, but realized I acted a little impulsively. But I think that sums up beach balls pretty well. Whenever I see one, I just want to impulsively punch/kick it into outer space.

Cue Ball: The wonderfully smooth ball. Did you know if you shrunk the Earth to the size of a cue ball, it would be smoother than a cue ball?

That Meme Tin Foil Ball: If you know about this, you know it caused many busted microwaves.

We’re moving up in the world! Here comes the Ballin tier...

Velcro Ball: These were iconic for me as a kid. It was great forplaying catch with my dad before I developed the hand-eye coordination to play catch normally.

Baseball: Arguably the most perfect ball to ever exist. I used to throw a nasty curveball!

Stress Ball: I don’t use stress balls often, but when I do, they’reawfully pleasant!

Tennis Ball: Super fun, reliable, and beautifully colored.

Eyeball: This is an odd one, but what can you say negatively about an eyeball? They’re a beautiful part of the human body.

8-Ball: Gotta love ‘em. That’s all I gotta say about this one. The 8-Ball is ballin.

Walmart Balls: Oh boy. Don’t get me started on these bad boys. These are what makes a Walmart trip special. You never actually buy one of these, but they’re an absolute staple to American society and the adventurous nature of Walmart.

Basketball: Not much needed to say. Just ballin.

Football: You may be surprised I don’t have this higher. But the thing is they are one of the weirder shapes of all balls. They are super fun to throw though and deserve a spot near the top of the ballin tier.

Exercise Ball: Atop the ballin tier we have the exercise ball. An absolute legend. Nobody I have ever met has talked poorly about exercise balls, and that says a lot about the character and consistency of this masterclass of a ball.

It’s time...The Baller tier!

Ping Pong Balls: An absolute team player. Surprisingly versatile and always a blast to play with. The only downside is that they dent easily. But we can look past this and enjoy the simplicity of the ball and the joy it brings us as humans.

Wiffle Balls: This one is extremely catered toward a certain group of people that played baseball growing up and learned how to throw these things in every sort of way.

Poké Ball: This absolute icon of a ball. Nothing brings me back to my childhood better than the thought of hearing, “Charmander, Go!” and seeing my little orange fire boy go flying out of its Poké Ball. Nobody will ever take away the joy I get from simply thinking about a Poké Ball.

Marbles: Enough said...baller balls.

Meatballs: YOOOO these are elite! They go in everything and are an amazing complement to anything from rice to pasta.

Disco Ball: This one takes third on the ball tier list. I gottawonder who thought of inventing the disco ball. A ball that reflects light all over a room in a sick pattern to make people hyped and want to dance?? Yes please. Gotta love it.

Kickball: Not just any kickball, the red one with the small squares all over it that, when it hits someone’s foot, goes “PHUAING!” This is an absolute classic of my childhood, and it deserves its place at #2 on this list.

Red Target Balls: These things essentially introduced me to balls. More importantly, these bad boys introduced 2-year-old me to the fact that not everything is as it seems. When I first saw these, I was worried they would roll away and hurt somebody! But my then-mother (she is also still my mother) told me not to fear, for they are stuck to the ground! I used to climb on these when I was young, as we all did. Nowadays, I still feel the urge to simply touch them as I walk into a Target, to make their presence known, and to thank them for opening my eyes to the world. Where would I be without you, oh Target Balls.

So that’s it! My first and probably last tier list ever to be feature on Monkey Monday. Or maybe not...? Anyways, I hope I warmed your heart and insulted your favorite balls at the same time. Have a great week ballers!

“Quan, act normal, these guys are touring campus”

“Yo Nate, where did you park your Lamborghini?” He shouts as we walk past them

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.

Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.