Happy Monkey Monday beloved friends! No my buzzcut has not grown back yet, But at least I got a new Monkey Monday Issue! This week we’ve got some cereal, some music, a haircut, a strange animal, etc etc. Y’all know how it goes by now.

 Prepare your heart, your mind, and your soul.

Monkey Monday #6 Hopscotching In…

Nate’s Cereal Tier List

The month is June. The year is 2004. Out of a beautiful woman’s womb is born a baby boy, to two loving parents, and an older sister. The baby develops typically, having a typical childhood, with typical parents, typical friends. But little did he know he was born for something special. As he continued to grow, he felt something was off. He was good at so many things, yet somehow knew that he hadn’t yet stumbled upon his calling.

Then, on a bright, sunny summer morning, as he poured his daily bowl of cereal, something in his typical sized brain clicked. “Cereal…” He thought. “Cereal…. cereal…. cereal….. I love….. cereal!” And thus, in the summer of 1878, that young boy, now a man named Nate, discovered his calling: crafting a tier list to rank brands of cereal.

Separated into 5 tiers, from bottom to top the tiers are titled: not my favorite, they alright, pretty good, amazing, and finally, the supremely coveted top 4 ranking. (Final tier list will be at the end, I aint spoilin!)

If your favorite cereal isn’t on the list, I probably haven’t had it, or I forgot what it tastes like (shoutout count chocula and co.)

not my favorite tier:

Cap’n Crunch - Starting off the bottom of the list we got the Cap himself. If there were bonus points for entertaining boxes, the Cap’s vessel was always my favorite. Unfortunately, this is off of the cereal itself. And boy oh boy I don’t like this stuff anymore. It used to be one of my favorites, but it’s just so mediocre, and while the first few bites are pretty fantastic, I get sick of it sooooo quickly. And it gets stuck in your teeth like no other cereal.

Oops! All Berries - Same thing, but with berries instead.

Honey-Comb - Okay honey comb is actually not that bad, I’m not sure why I have it so low in my list to be honest. However, it’s not a super memorable selection, and it gets soggy way too quickly.

Cheerios - I mean they’re okay. Just no reason to pick them over the honey nuts.

they alright tier:

Corn Flakes - Okay to be honest I probably haven’t had corn flakes enough in my life to properly rank them, but from what I recall they are really nummy, similar to special K, but unfortunately I just can’t remember them well enough to put them any higher than this.

Trix - For kids and adults alike! Similar to the cheerios situation, where we have better fruity options ahead. Shoutout the Trix Rabbit! He’s zany, I like that guy.

Honey Nut Cheerios - Just a super solid cereal. I think many parents were tricked into thinking this was the “healthy” option for cereal, when in reality every mainstream cereal pretty horrendous for the human body (even you special K).

Golden Grahams - These guys are alright! I don’t have any real complaints with golden grahams, but there is a better golden grahams-like cereal further up the list.

Golden Crisp/Honey Smackers - My grandpa would probably rather kill a human being than give up his golden crisp addiction. These guys are good though, but after I did an official taste test for a company that required me to eat like 10 bowls of this stuff back to back, they’ve never hit the same (I did get 45$ though).

Peanut Butter Crunch - Probably the best of the Cap’n’s cereals (that I have had). Unfortunately if you want peanut butter cereal, there’s a better option.

Crunch Berries - I think the combo of berries and regular crunch makes for a better cereal than the two individually.

Cookie Crisp - CoooooOOOOOOKIE CRISP!!! I didn’t have this one much growing up, but from what I remember they were pretty good, yet something feels strange with having straight up cookies and milk for breakfast. They aren’t bad by any means, but there are better chocolate options we will look at later.

pretty good tier:

Strawberry Mini Wheats - Ooooh baby do I love me some mini wheats. I really love mini wheats, but I can’t in good conscience put them in the amazing tier. Super solid cereal, and I think strawberry is slightly better than original.

Cocoa Puffs - I am COOKOO for chocolate. It’s not good! Cocoa puffs are honestly amazing, but they are completely overshadowed in every way by their cousin, who we will talk about later, so I just have no reason to rank them any higher.

Frosted Mini Wheats - Good.

Apple Jacks - I’m so glad I was oblivious to racial stereotypes as a kid. Cinna-MON is my goat. Love that guy. Anyways it’s a solid cereal, not much to say about these guys. Actually yeah I do, why are they called Jacks?

Froot-Loops - Similar to the cocoa puffs situation. I really like froot loops, and sonny is an awesome mascot, but it’s just not the best fruity cereal out there.

Reese’s Puffs - This is the aforementioned “better peanut butter cereal”. It’s pretty good, but there are better chocolate cereals. I think “pretty good” is the perfect spot for it.

Raisin Bran - Another classic my sister loved growing up. They’re alright, but a little more alright than the alright tier. Maybe I should have put them lower actually.

amazing tier:

Cinnamon Toast Crunch - Okay CTC is amazing. Perfect graham texture, the cinnamon is mmmm, and it makes the milk super nummy. Just barely misses the top 4, but yeah I love me some CTC!

Frosted Flakes - Another heavy hitter, frosted flakes are sooooo good shoutout tony tiger. I really have nothing to complain about with this, again just not top 4.

Cinnamon Life - Life is a secret killer, way too underrated in the cereal community. I LOVE this stuff. Only complaint is it gets soggy too quick.

Rice Krispies - Rice krispies are literally just a smaller, soggier special K. No reason to put them higher when special K exists, but they are incredible.

Fruity Pebbles - This is the best fruity cereal out there. Just so good. But again, just can’t place them in the top 4.

Smorz/Smore’s - Smore’s are weird for me. I really like them, and think they are another underrated gem, but they definetely are'n’t as crazy as CTC, yet they are better than mini wheats.weird spot. They could be a tier lower and I wouldn’t have a problem.

Top 4 tier:

Lucky Charms - The king of all cereal. The interdimensional, multi universal leprechaun himself. Lucky must have cast a spell on me because AHHHHHH I love lucky charms. It’s lucky charms. I don’t need to explain myself.

Honey Bunches of Oats - Lucky charms may be the king by default, but I think the sneaky prince to the throne is honey bunches of oats. They are so mature, so distinguished, like a nice monocle and a mustache. But they taste perfect. Top 4 for sure.

Special K - Special K is another one that I think scares people away because they think it’s “healthy”. Don’t worry, it’s really not! It’s super super yummy! It’s like the best plain, vanilla ice cream you ever had. Sure it might be boring, but it is the king of consistency.

Cocoa Pebbles - this is the king of all chocolate cereals, no debate.

-Nate

Pick of the Week

Oh yeah baby, it’s taken six issues but I’m finally talking about Polyphia. One of my all time favorite bands, and an all time favorite record. This band, and subsequently this album, really kickstarted my passion for guitar years ago, and started a chain of events that has lead me to the path I’m now on: studying music! Back in the old days when I was loading up my body with ink, I got a tattoo of this album cover. Friends of mine will also frequently see me wearing Polyphia hoodies. If it isn’t clear, this band has a lot of sentimental value to me. (I’ve also seen them live twice!!!)

Let’s talk about the music itself! So unless you’re a guitar nerd, or I’ve yapped to you about the band before, you probably have no idea who these guys are, so let me inform you. Polyphia is a 4 piece group out of Texas made up of guitarists Tim and Scott, Bassist Clay, and Drummer also Clay! All four of them are virtuosos in their own right, absolute monsters of their craft. They make instrumental prog-fusion-trap-math rock all in common time. You can’t really put them in a box, they’re one of a kind.

While their 2022 album Remember That You Will Die (scary title, I know) has higher highs, it’s less consistent and not as good an introductory album as their 2018 project New Levels New Devils. It starts with the incredibly groovy, spooky, nasty track fittingly titled Nasty, which serves as such a hype opener. Then the second track, O.D. brings some crazy energy with the dark, spooky sounding, dirty, insanity inducing guitar work.

As the album progresses, we start to shift into more upbeat, less spooky tracks like Yas, Saucy, and So Strange to name a few. So Strange actually features the only vocals on the entire album (shoutout Cuco!)

Then we get the final track, G.O.A.T, which was their most famous song for a long while, (Recently probably being surpassed by Playing God) and for good reason. This thing SLAPS, and is a perfect finisher to the album.

I know many people who say this music is “Too many notes, not enough feel”, and while I can see the angle this criticism comes from, I respectfully disagree. Once you really get to know the songs, and the melodies, it transitions from “A billion notes flying at my face” to something insanely groovy and fun. I can sing pretty much every note on this album, and it’s often more fun than singing songs with actual words.

Check this album out. It’s so sick. It would make me happy. And if it’s not for you, that’s totally okay too! Just give it a shot!

-Nate

Is it Ripe?

brent iii is the 3rd collaborative project by singer-songwriters Jeremy Zucker and Chelsea Cutler. The brent projects have been the result of Jeremy and Chelsea retreating to a cabin, combining their creative minds to produce beautifully cozy bodies of music.

when brent first came out back in 2019, it was a hard left turn from the music both Jeremy and Chelsea were creating at the time. It was simple, rustic, and full of shared heartache and friendship. Since then, the idea of “brent” has become somewhat of a tradition over the last couple years, resulting in brent ii releasing in 2021, and now the final installation releasing this past week.

My sister and I are very close, and when the first two brent projects came out, we were in a period of our lives where we were all each other had, and brent was our theme music. But our lives have since changed. We can’t lean on each other as much as we used to. She has her husband now, I have Hailey, we live 6 hours away and are in different seasons of life, so naturally we aren’t each others lives as much as we were then. And even though we still talk often, and are still close, it’s little things like brent that can tie us close, even when we are far.

So enter brent iii. My sister and I were stoked to hear that they were making another brent, and we patiently awaited the the next addition to our favorite little thing.

And it’s a pretty neat album! It’s much bigger, grandiose sounding than the previous two entires, which fitting for a grand finale to the series. Chelsea takes the stage right away on ashes & rust, and absolutely kills it. That slide into “whooOOOOOOS GONNA THINK OF YOU” is actually so nice. I think this is a diss track on Chelsea’s mom? Good opening song.

The next few songs are pretty good, but the first standout track for me is the lead single, black & white. Super sweet, gentle, amazing song. five minutes and and the government too! are also huge highlights for me, with the latter being my favorite song on the whole album.

Give it a listen the next time you eat a bowl of hot soup in the cold winter!

Shoutout Randy, love you to death!

Favorite Songs: terrible things, black & white, five minutes, and the government too!

-Nate

Ripeness: 8

Parin’s Palette

Ballboy Ben’s Ball Update

Ashley’s Animals

Carefully Cutting Chris

It’s been a while since my latest crime against humanity. But luckily, my subordinate music therapy major, Chris, needed a haircut!

He normally wears glasses, but as you can see, he can’t! Someone get my man a guide dog and a cane, for he is journeying around the world with a sheet over his eyes! So naturally, I tricked him into becoming my next victim, saying words like “Ima do you right my boy, don’t you worry” and “Don’t worry, it’s all coming together!”

He wanted the back and sides tapered pretty short, while still leaving the top and bangs quite long, so I started with scissor cutting much off the bulk off the back so I could get the vision for how I wanted to approach it with the clippers.

After a long time snipping and buzzing away, I was satisfied enough with the back and sides, and went to work on the top.

I wanted to go shorter on the top than he did, and it was hard to fight against my desire to just snip huge amounts of hair off the top, but I prevailed over my impulses! Point cut layered, and thinned out a lot of the top, so that he could keep a lot of the length without all of the weight.

That’s pretty much it! The Guitarber strikes again!

-Nate

Quan Quotes

Verse Of The Week