I am currently caught in the midst of a wretched and depraved generation, filled with kids talking about all this labubu, dubai chocolate matcha, and 67. It’s miserable. I don’t get it. What am I to I do? But then I remember what my great master Gargleplex Globetrotter taught me: “Nathaniel, my son, when you are weak, and lack focus , remember this one skill I have taught you: hone your chi.” So I stand up tall, close my eyes, and start charging up…

Monkey Monday 2 #6, honing in…

This summer, I did NOT return to the great Land of 10,000 Lakes. Instead, my pal Jo and his family graciously offered me their guest bedroom for very cheap rent. In this household is Jo, his mother, his father, his sister, and……..

DOGS

Ami

Nicknames: Ami Mami, Ama Mama, Amallama Dingdong, Ama Girl, Ams,

Breed: Bernedoodle

Age: 2

Special Skills: Giving birth, Sitting on the top of the couch and staring out the window, Looking majestic, Jumping up on your knees and stretching her back, Aura farming, Long walks

Weaknesses: Her daughter, Doggy periods, Thunderstorms, Fireworks, Bathroom garbage cans

Bio: Ami, the tried and true family dog. She’s playful, affectionate, gentle, and very smart! She doesn’t get into any trouble, (unless you leave the bathroom door open, she will tear up the garbage) is amazing on walks, and can even go on runs! Ami is the first dog I’ve met who knows how to look at you through windows while she’s outside. While she takes some time to warm up to you, once she has established that you’re trustworthy, she will treat you like a member of the family! Often, you can find her hitting the most majestic pose, staring off into the distance for no apparent reason.

Currently, Ami is a hard working momma. At only 2 years old, she’s VERY pregnant and soon to give birth to her second litter of puppies!

Trigeminal

Nicknames: Gemi, Gemitron, Gremi, Gremlin, Gemello Ball, LeBron Gems, Victor Gembenyama, Gems Harden, Gemesis, Destroyer of Worlds, Demon Monster, Ewok

Breed: Also a Bernedoodle

Age: <1

Special Skills: Rage, Greed, Chewing rugs, Evoking fear, Screeching, Growling, Flying wrestling takedowns, Manspreading, Tearing screen doors, Hearing the freezer open, Manipulating, Fearless, Looks like an Ewok, Sleeping in other peoples beds, Has human lips

Weaknesses: Her mother, The Kennel, An Exorcist

Bio: Ami’s daughter, Gemi, arrived at the household a week prior to me. From puppyhood, to young womanhood, I was there for it all, and took part in raising her. Gemi is an unstoppable force of nature. She cannot be contained, she cannot be stopped, her will shall be accomplished no matter what you do. While not the biggest or the strongest dog, Gemi is fearless, consistently picking fights with dogs bigger than her. She wants all the smoke. But, if you have somehow found yourself in her good graces, she will snuggle up with you, laying in your lap, or on your chest. The great teddy bear, or the harbinger of the apocalypse? Who knows!

Despite all of our doubts, Gemi is now about the size of her mother, and has seemed to mellow out a little bit. She can now sit on the top of the couch and watch out the window, just like her mother. Miss my girl.

Bombadil

Nicknames: Bomba, Bombadillo Crocodillo, Mo Bomba

Breed: ……Yep, also a Bernedoodle (but much more Berne than Doodle)

Age: <1

Special Skills: Growing, Cutest dog ever, Infinite growth glitch, Massive paws, Amazing snuggler, Literally the cutest dog ever.

Weaknesses: Is Clumsy, Stairs, Walls, Doors, Reading literature, Tripod Sweep, Closed Guard

Bio: While not an immediate member of the household, Gemi’s cousin Bomba often spawns in the house at the most random times. Coming out of the shower on a Thursday night? BOOM, Bomba might be running around. Coming home from Church on a Sunday? Bomba might just be visiting. While the same age as Gemi, Bomba was injected with gamma radiation as a young pup, resulting in gigantic paws, and unlimited growth. Every time she showed up, she was just a bit bigger. While genuinely the cutest dog ever, she’s not the brightest bulb in the fridge. Never getting comfortable in her body, as she’s constantly growing, she’s constantly tripping down stairs, running into things, and getting knocked over. The softest, snuggliest, cutest dog ever, I wish she was mine.

In such a short period of time, she has continued to grow to a MASSIVE size, and isn’t even done. I estimate she will be as big as a hippo by the end of the year.

Montez

Nicknames: Mo, Mo Bamba, Montgomery, Monticello, Stinky, Walking Corpse, Old Man

Breed: ??? Black Lab, Pitbull, Pointer ???

Age: >16 (Currently Deceased)

Special Skills: Stinky fur, Stinky toots, near immortal, keeping a blanket on his back wherever he goes, walking without a leash

Weaknesses: Tumors, Hearing, standing, death

Bio: Mo, the guardian of the house. After over 16 years of evading death, he peacefully breathed his last breath on July 25th. Somehow always in the worst place at the worst time, Mo was both the most loyal, and most oblivious dog I’ve ever met. He could often be found in his bed, under his blanket, sometimes with Gemi curled up on top of him. His favorite hobby was laying out in the driveway on a sunny day. He adored scratches anywhere you’d scratch. He was truly a good boy. Rest in peace buddy.

-Nate

Pick of the Week

One of the most beautiful voices ever belongs to Sade Adu, the lead singer and face of the band Sade. You probably know them from their smash hit Smooth Operator, but they are so, so much more than that one song.

These guys have some of the smoothest, rizzy, and subtly funky music around. This albums got the banger intro Is It A Crime, other hood classics like The Sweetest Taboo, Punch Drunk, Never As Good As The First Time, and more.

I don’t have much more to say on this. Sade is a legendary band, give them a listen.

-Nate

Is It Ripe?

Another of my favorite artists dropped an album this year! This time it’s indie alt-folk duo, The Antlers, with their new album Blight. I’ve talked about The Antlers once before on my vinyl recommendations last winter, but otherwise I keep pretty hush hush about them. Anyways, since their groundbreaking album Hospice in 2009, they’ve only dropped 3 albums, none of which could reach that peak of Hospice. 2011s Burst Apart got close with the creativity and originality, 2014s Familiars got close with the heavy hitting atmosphere, but they have yet to put it all together in one grand project.

A few months ago, they released the lead single, Carnage, along with details for the new album. After listening to the single, I immediately got hyped. They knocked it out of the park, and I was ready to see what 2025 Antlers had in store for us.

Then the album dropped last week! I gave it a listen, and I was super impressed that they still had it! The album is littered with themes of pollution and the gradual decay we as a species have caused the earth. While I wouldn’t consider myself a radical protester for climate change or anything, I do acknowledge that humanity, and our technological developments since the beginning of time have indeed caused irreversible damage to the Earth. I really respect how the Antlers approached this; rather then shove an agenda in the listeners ears, they simply mourn for the earth, and let the music do its thing.

Sonically, this album is awesome. It’s quite diverse, which I think has been a weak point in the past couple Antlers projects, but they outdid themselves this time. They have lots of soft moments, but also emotional, abrasive moments.

I’ll stop here cause I realize I've written 4 paragraphs. It’s a tall order to surpass Hospice, and I would be surprised if they ever can do that, but I think this has been the closest they've got. While this definetely isn’t for everyone, I think it’s a really awesome project, and I’m proud to be an Antlers fan!

Favorite Songs: Pour, Carnage, Something In The Air, Deactivate

-Nate

Ripeness: 8.5/10

Interview Time!

Ashley’s Animals

Quan Quotes

Verse Of The Week