Everywhere. They’re everywhere. They’re on the shelf. They’re on the stairs. Everywhere. They’re all around the floor. They’re in the walls. Everywhere. But I can’t see them. Chameleon infestation. They torment me. Nobody believes me. Chameleons, in the millions, they’re all around me, I can’t see them. I know they’re here. And they’re around you too.

Monkey Monday 2 #4, quivers in…

The 10 Squirrel Hypothesis

As of late, I’ve been in my pondering bag. I am currently working on step three of the scientific method: Hypothesis. I would like to present to you all my work-in-progress hypothesis, titled: “The 10 Squirrel Hypothesis”; which (currently) is as follows:

Per distinct territory, there are never more or less than 10 squirrel occupants at any given time.

This proposes that each “distinct territory” only actually has 10 total adult squirrels in it. Let me break it down more.

“Distinct Territory” is the working term I have to describe each “area” that we are working with. In my research, I have yet to define the method to accurately quantify this calculation. This could be something like, “per city”, or “per population of 15,000”, or “per city region”. Again, it has yet to be properly defined/calculated.

“But Nate,” you may be asking, “I see dozens of different squirrels a day, just walking around campus. What do you mean there are only ten squirrels?” This is where we get into the most captivating point of my hypothesis. Imagine this scenario with me: Let’s say you’re walking down the sidewalk, maybe you’re going from class to your suite, or maybe you’re walking your dog around the neighborhood. You see a squirrel, maybe you stop and look, or maybe you just keep walking. Two minutes later, as you’re further along the sidewalk, a squirrel runs across the sidewalk right in front of you, and climbs up into a tree. That could be the same squirrel. My hypothesis proposes that squirrels are far quicker than we have ever imagined, and can move from place to place so fast that we observe them as a new squirrel each time.

Have you ever seen more than ten squirrels in one place, at one time? I didn’t think so. I have yet to uncover if this phenomenon is due to some kind of territorial squirrel gang war, if it’s a natural habit of how squirrel society works, or even a political, strategic move by squirrel-kind to bluff the size of their population.

The next step of the scientific method is to conduct an experiment. In talking with my colleagues, it has been proposed to catch ten squirrels, and put some kind of identifier on each of them, like a wristband, and see if we continue to find unidentified squirrels in a “territory.” This could both help to prove the reality of this hypothesis, as well as define what a “distinct territory” is. However, there are some risks with this. The obvious risk, is what if the squirrels are so fast, that they can phase through the wristbands, or disintegrate them entirely? As we are not certain of the nature of their speed, we cannot calculate all the possibilities at play. But, on the contrary, if we are to spot a squirrel with the identifier, and then spot a squirrel without the identifier, and then again spot a squirrel with it again, this can, while a complex method, contribute to our unique identification and confirmation of multiple squirrels.

There are a few more factors I would like to acknowledge. The first, is that this only accounts for adult squirrels, as squirrel litters usually contain 2-4 baby squirrels. As to what happens to these squirrels when they become adults, we do not know as of yet; this would depend on the aforementioned nature of this phenomenon, which of course we do not know as of yet. The last element to address, is the question of what happens when a squirrel dies? We have yet to discover if there is a system for the squirrels to track the number of living adults per distinct territory, in which they can easily send a new squirrel to take up the post, or if there is a squirrel reincarnation cycle.

So this is where we are at for now. As you see, there are many unknowns, as we are still quite early in the research, but we will continue to seek out the answers to these questions, and hope that our feeble minds may one day be able to understand the nature of this mystifying scientific mystery.

-Nate

Pick of the Week

Antônio Carlos Jobim is one of the big pillars of Bossa nova; which, if you’re unaware, is a style of music that arose from Brazil in the 50’s, combining Samba and jazz. If you’re a visual person, picture a sophisticated coffee bean from Rio de Janeiro, playing a nylon-stringed guitar: that’s probably not too far off from Bossa nova.

Every song is so tasty and smooth. Both relaxing and exciting. Throw it in the background, throw it on during a long car ride, or through it on during a game of Spikeball at the beach! I don’t have much else to say; if you’re not familiar with Bossa nova, this is a classic! Do yourself a favor and check it out.

-Nate

Is It Ripe?

Yooooooo it’s that time of year, my longtime Irish goat Jonathan Ng, aka EDEN, recently dropped his new album, Dark. This album was supposed to come out like, a year and a half ago, but because of a bunch of terrible label messiness it got pushed off until he could finally get out of the contract. But after long delay, it is finally here!

I’ve been an EDEN fan since I was in middle school, when I got Spotify and started to explore new sounds I had never heard. While not all of his stuff hits the way it used to for me, I still think he’s awesome, and appreciate the place in my heart his music used to occupy. His last album, ICYMI, which came out in 2022, was one of my favorite albums to come out that year; and as the singles were dropping for this new project, I grew pretty excited for the full release.

So to the music itself! Is it any good? YES! It’s a clear evolution in EDEN’s sound, which some may like, and others may not. But I think sonically it’s a step forward for him. It feels pretty short, coming in at 39 minutes, but it’s a banger 39 minutes!

Just realized I’ve yapped this whole time, and y’all don’t even know what kinda of music this is. I would describe it as indie pop mixed with R&B mixed with dance? EDEN has his roots DEEP in electronic music, and it very much shows in his production, while following similar structure to pop music. There’s a lot of sonic variety in this album, so if one song isn’t doing it for you, there might be one that does just around the corner!

I don’t think this is some groundbreaking album by any means, but I do think it’s a statement piece in Jon’s discography, and I’ll be bumping it for the rest of the year for sure.

Favorite Songs: Still, Ghost in the Shell, Light Sleeper, Pocket (montreal)

-Nate

Ripeness: 8/10

Interview Time!

Ashley’s Animals

Caucasian Clipper Strikes Again!

Alright my little Decepticons, we got Jo back in the LeBron cape, ready to mow down his ‘fro!

So we started with da clippers! Gotta debulk some of that flow in the back! BZZZZZZZZZ BZZ BZZZZZ! Then after I debulk, start to take to the top with my scissors!

Shoutout Milo who was inside the cape for almost the ENTIRE cut.

After cutting the top to the desired length (basically when we decided it looked good), blending it to the sides, I went back to Mr. Clippy McClippertons and went to work on the sides and back. Boom! Bop! BZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZ!

Boom! Mr. Handsome! Until next time!

-Nate

Parin’s Proverb

Quan Quotes

Verse Of The Week