Happy Monkey Monday my friends, we have made it through to a new week! It’s crunch time here at Carroll University, with finals starting next week. I know lots of my friends are stressin, and I want to encourage and remind y’all that you got this! This shall pass! Your days will still continue after finals, regardless of how you think they go! Just take things one day at a time, and you’ll be alright.

Anywho, we got a new issue of Monkey Monday for y’all! We’ve got a new tier list, some Spotify Wrapped, and more! Hope y’all have a swell Monday!

Monkey Monday 2 #13, sniffin in…

Phineas and Ferb characters I could submit with a rear naked choke TIER LIST

Alright y’all, I hear you guys like the tier lists, so I made another tier list. You read the title, you already know what it is.

Me v.s. the cast of Phineas and Ferb, where my objective is to submit them via rear naked choke. If you’re unfamiliar, a rear naked choke (or RNC) is one of the simplest, yet effective submissions in Jiujitsu (and combat sports as a whole). The principle is simple: get to your opponents back (which is the most dominant position you can be in), and secure the crease of your elbow in the opponents neck, pinching both carotid arteries, stopping the blood supply to the brain, causing for a very quick submission (or passing out).

So I compiled all the main (or relevant) characters from my favorite show Phineas and Ferb (in which I have extensive knowledge about), and pitted myself up against them, ranking them by how easily I could submit them via RNC in unarmed combat.

Again. Unarmed Combat. No inators, no Flynn-Fletcher inventions, this is everyone in their base form (with possibly some exceptions? You’ll see). Rules clear? Alright let’s begin.

Tier 5: I would take their back and submit them in under a minute

Carl the intern: Starting off at the very bottom of the list, we’ve got Carl. Despite having an unpaid-paid intern position at O.W.C.A. (a top secret spy organization), Carl has no combat training, and is just incompetent at anything physical. Sure, he’s smart, loyal, and can work a camera, but if he and I got into a tussle, I would quickly overpower his scrawny, boyish frame, get to his back and secure the rear naked choke.

Irving DuBois: Irving is essentially a younger, weaker Carl, who can use nunchucks. But this is unarmed combat, and this small incompetent pre-teen will not be able to stop the back take and subsequent RNC.

Baljeet Tjinder: A top 3 smartest character in the series, this brilliant little Indian man has no physical attributes or skills to stop me. Maybe if instead I was dealing with his television counterpart, Dr Ninja Baljeet I would have some trouble. But alas, it is default Baljeet, who stands no chance.

Phineas Flynn: It pains me to put one of the greatest fictional characters of all time this low in a tier list. With prep time, Phineas would destroy me (The Beak, Speed Shoes, this list is endless). But sadly, similar to Baljeet, Phineas has no serious physical or combat feats, and is at the end of the day a scrawny pre-teen boy, whom would be quickly overpowered by yours truly.

Tier 4: Mild Difficulty; slight nuisance until I get to their back and RNC

Linda Flynn-Fletcher: Linda has no combat feats whatsoever. The only reason she is above the previous entries is due to the fact that she is a fully grown adult, and not a frail little boy (or frail little young adult, in Carl’s case). I would shoot for her legs, get an easy takedown, and quickly make my way to her back and secure the choke.

Stacy Hirano: Stacy is the first person on here to have some legit feats, being a third degree black belt in taekwondo. However, respectfully, she is still a teenage girl with zero grappling game, so as long as she doesn’t somehow blitz me, I’ll easily overpower her, and put her to sleep.

Vanessa Doofenshmirtz: Vanessa is another teenage girl, with slight acrobatic skills. She is very brave and headstrong, and wouldn’t be afraid to get scrappy, but it would just be a rinse and repeat of the last few women.

Lawrence Fletcher: The most formidable foe physically so far, being the first fully grown male, Lawrence is passive and docile. While he is a grown man, he has not demonstrated any sort of strength, and lacks any kind of combat skill. Takedown, advance to his back, rear naked choke.

Jeremy Johnson: Jeremy gets points for being a fit teenage boy. Definitely in better shape than Lawrence, and probably scrappier if need be, but he lacks the strength of an adult male, and like Lawrence, is a sweetheart with no combat feats whatsoever.

Tier 3: High Difficulty; after a long fight I should be able to get to their back and RNC

Suzy Johnson: Maybe the hardest character on here to rank. Suzy is the pre-school aged little sister of Jeremy. In theory, this should be like squashing a bug. But Suzy is a big question mark. She’s been teased to physically go toe-to-toe with Meap (which may not be canon?), and is basically an evil, manipulative genius. So while she SHOULD be free game, something deep down in me is uneasy.

Monty Monogram: Monty is the fully grown son of Major Monogram. He is in great physical shape boasting a tall, broad build, and is pretty athletic, being raised as a trapeze artist by his father. Out of the whole cast, Monty should be the most relative to me physically. But unfortunately for him, despite his athleticism and size, he demonstrates no combat feats. He might put up a bit of a fight, but even if he can last a few minutes, he will get exhausted by my superior cardio and technique, and will eventually get his back taken, leading to another victory for me.

Major Francis Monogram: While MM may not be in his physical prime anymore, he is still the head of O.W.C.A., boasting tactical military leadership. While he has not active in the field, I would assume he has at least SOME field experience, and can probably hold his own. However, he too fails to display any combat feats, and is well past his prime. He too shall likely fall victim to the RNC.

Tier 2: Extreme Difficulty; if I’m lucky I’ll get to their back and finish

Buford Van Stomm: Okay, now we get into scary territory. Buford may be young, but he has freakish strength and intimidation. He can pickup kids his age with ease, beat up older bullies, and has even knocked out a giant squid with a punch. But the hardest thing about defeating Buford, would be getting my arms around his absurdly thick neck. Even if I get good back control, it would take alot of strength to cut off his carotid arteries. That being said, I think there’s a chance I could do it, but it would be extremely tough.

Candace Flynn: Candace, oh Candace, where do I even begin? A skinny teenage girl with some crazy feats. She has been seen outrunning a grizzly bear, tearing apart a train, and most relevantly, has outwrestled (and submitted) an alligator. She has displayed greater strength, speed, and ferocity than me. My only hope is to get her on the ground and swiftly make my way to her back, but that may prove to be a challenge too great.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Doof boasts a pretty crazy strength feat of throwing a great white shark off of him, and has shown the ability to occasionally keep up with Agent P in their fights. These two things alone are pretty hard to argue against, but at the end of the day, he doesn’t have any particular grappling experience, and I may get lucky and get to his back.

Ferb Fletcher: The last character I even have a slim chance of sleeping with a rear naked choke is Ferb. While in theory, he is just another pre-teen boy, he has demonstrated unbelievable proficiency in everything he tries. He is likely the smartest character in the show, has demonstrated a SCARY muscular build (see photo above), and I would be genuinely shocked if he is not proficient in hand to hand combat. This might be a bit of a high placement for Ferb, but anyone who has seen the show would know why I am so cautious. But if he doesn’t know how to grapple, I can get that long neck with an RNC.

Tier 1: There is no hope

Mitch: Mitch is a galaxy-wide criminal, who has on multiple occasions plotted to take over the galaxy. While he is technically in a robotic suit, this is his default, and if I were to take him on, he most certainly would be suited up. If this is the case, there is absolutely nothing I can do against him. But, if he is unsuited, and in his small base form, he would be lower on the list.

Meap: This adorable, galactic peacekeeper is also one of the strongest characters we ever see. He boasts superhuman strength, agility, and elite combat proficiency. He has likely battled numerous space criminals, and has displayed to be an above-average combatant of his species. On top of all this, he can shoot powerful, exploding rainbow beams from his mouth. Meap murders me 10 out of 10 times.

N.O.R.M.: Norm is a robot designed for Tri-State domination. He is built with numerous destructive weapons, and was created with immense physical strength. He destroys buildings just by walking through them, he can launch rockets, lasers, etc. from his body at will. And worst of all, he has no carotid arteries, so I can’t even RNC him.

Balloony: Balloony is essentially N.O.R.M., 2.0. Kidnapped by Mitch and turned into a cyborg weapon of mass destruction, I fear there is nothing I can do to him. If we don’t give Balloony the robot modifications, and he’s just a balloon, well I could POP him, but I couldn’t choke him out. Unfair matchup either way.

Peter the Panda: Although not the strongest of the bunch, Peter is a formiddable O.W.C.A. agent, who has displayed unarmed combat mastery on many occasions. He is also a panda, which are VERY strong creatures, and could tear apart a human if they tried. I don’t want the smoke from this guy.

Isabella Garcia-Shapiro: If this list were based on how deadly the characters were, Isabella would probably be a bit lower. But this is a tier list on if I could submit them with a rear naked choke or not, and unfortunately for me, she is proficcient in both judo AND jiujitsu. Even if she’s much smaller than me, I’m just a white belt, and she’s going to be able to stop everything I could possibly try, and take me out with ease. No way is she letting me take her back, much less choke her out.

Perry the Platypus: To round up the top of this list, we have none other than my goat, Perry the Platypus. Perry is incredibly fast and agile, and master of multiple martial arts. He often utilizes judo techniques, so there is no way I could take this dude down. He has immense physical strength for his size, and is the top agent at O.W.C.A. I fear Perry doesn’t even have a neck either. So no matter what, I’m doomed.

Here is our final tier list:

-Nate

Pick of the Week

Last week, the long-awaited Spotify Wrapped 2025 was released. I get really excited for my wrapped! There’s something so fun about those dumb little personalized music stats, and I love seeing what my friends were listening to all year.

So on that note, here’s mine!

As you can see, the greatest songwriter of our time, my goat ADRIANNE tore up my list. Not a surprise at all. What was surprising however, was that her 2024 album Bright Future was my most streamed album of the year. I really love this album, but didn’t think it would surpass songs or Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe In You.

I’ve talked enough about Adrianne in the past. Go listen to Bright Future, check out any of those 5 artists, and if you’re a Spotify user, send me your wrapped, I’d love to see it!

-Nate

Is It Ripe?

Alright y’all, I watched another movie this week! Next on the chopping block is 2014’s The Maze Runner, based on the novel of the same name. I read the series back in middle school, and really enjoyed all the books, especially the titular The Maze Runner.

Of course, as was the fate of all young adult dystopian books in the 2010s, we got a movie adaptation! I’ve seen it a couple times over the years, so this wasn’t a first time viewing, but regardless, let’s dive into it.

The Maze Runner opens with our main character waking up in a loud, dark elevator. We have no idea whats going on, and neither does our guy. Eventually, the elevator stops, and the top opens up to a bunch of teenage boys looking down at him.

Turns out all these boys live in the center of a big maze! They have their own little developed society, with rules and such. We find that they have been there for three years, with a new boy coming up in the elevator once a month, with no memories except their name.

What follows is an exciting story filled with action and mystery! Is there a way out? Who put them there? What are the terrifying grievers out in the maze? Who is Teresa?

This movie is super exciting and is never really boring at any point. The biggest problem with the movie however, is the dialogue. Sometimes, a conversation you read in a book sounds realistic, until you hear it out loud and think “wow, that’s corny.” And that’s like, most of the dialogue in this movie. Thomas will ask a simple question like, “ ayo what’s that noise?”, and Newt will respond, “For three years. Three years Thomas. Don’t question how we have done things. These things have allowed us to survive for three years. Out there? Those noises, those things out there? We haven’t seen them. Nobody has survived seeing them. But we do have a name for them.” and so on and so forth. The movie is LITTERED with overdramatic dialogue like this.

But none of that ruins the movie in any sense, but it does stick out, and I would feel silly not mentioning it. All that being said, it’s a pretty good movie! Go watch it if you want. I’ve seen it many times and I still enjoy it.

-Nate

Ripeness: 7/10

Interview Time!

Ashley’s Animals

Parin’s Proverb

Quan Quotes

Verse Of The Week